Failure and Evolution: Part II

Almost a year ago, I wrote about the beginnings of my personal evolution–in terms of politics, science, religion, race, etc. I meant to follow up after like a month. I’d like to say that I just got too busy. I had just quit full-time copyediting, and I was studying to finish my first certification course in small animal massage. A couple weeks after the blog post, I went to a week-long practical to finish the massage course. I came home from that and moved into a new house that weekend. That Monday I started a new job in an elementary school. So I kind of was busy–with different types of change and evolution. But also, part of my evolution lately has been in my priorities.

For a while, even before writing that blog post last February, writing had been a chore and a drudgery. It was another thing I felt obligated to do, but which brought me no joy. I’ve been in the process of sloughing off those parts of my life that remained out of a sense of obligation, but which brought undue stress to my life. A relationship, a career, going to church, tons of “stuff.” I quit them all as graciously as I could muster the ability to do so, and I have no regrets. I soon came to learn that writing had become one of those things too. It felt like a failure to let myself quit writing. Not to say that I will never return to writing with a sense of joy and having fun in the process. But once I let myself off the hook for writing, just like those other things, there was a great sense of relief. I don’t miss it. This blog post is the first thing I have written since. And so far, it’s okay.

Speaking of evolution and change, this fall we found out one of the biggest ways our lives will change, new ways we’ll feel like we failed, and new ways of growing into even better people.

We made a person! This news (and accompanying symptoms) also shifted many of my priorities already. My free time now feels even more precious–a reminder that I should be doing things that energize me, bring me health, make me calm, make me laugh, bring me joy. I feel like the rest of this adventure will also help me hone my ability to keep, treasure, slough, and graciously quit. So here’s to continued evolution and failure, and further evolution.

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